A Letter from Michael Moore to George W. Bush on the Eve of War
Monday, March 17th, 2003
George W. Bush
600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC
 
Dear Governor Bush:
 
    So today is what you call "the moment of truth," the day that "France
 and the rest of world have to show their cards on the table." I'm glad
 to hear that this day has finally arrived. Because, I gotta tell ya,
 having survived 440 days of your lying and conniving, I wasn't sure if I
 could take much more. So I'm glad to hear that today is Truth Day,
 'cause I got a few truths I would like to share with you:
 
    1. There is virtually NO ONE in America (talk radio nutters and Fox
 News aside) who is gung-ho to go to war. Trust me on this one. Walk out
 of the White House and on to any street in America and try to find five
 people who are PASSIONATE about wanting to kill Iraqis. YOU WON'T FIND
 THEM! Why? 'Cause NO Iraqis have ever come here and killed any of us! No
 Iraqi has even threatened to do that. You see, this is how we average
 Americans think: If a certain so-and-so is not perceived as a threat to
 our lives, then, believe it or not, we don't want to kill him! Funny how
 that works!
 
    2. The majority of Americans  the ones who never elected you  are
 not fooled by your weapons of mass distraction. We know what the real
 issues are that affect our daily lives  and none of them begin with I
 or end in Q. Here's what threatens us: two and a half million jobs lost
 since you took office, the stock market having become a cruel joke, no
 one knowing if their retirement funds are going to be there, gas now
 costs two dollars a gallon  the list goes on and on. Bombing Iraq will
 not make any of this go away. Only you need to go away for things to
 improve.
 
    3. As Bill Maher said last week, how bad do you have to suck to lose
 a popularity contest with Saddam Hussein? The whole world is against
 you, Mr. Bush. Count your fellow Americans among them.
 
    4. The Pope has said this war is wrong, that it is a SIN. The Pope!
 But even worse, the Dixie Chicks have now come out against you! How bad
 does it have to get before you realize that you are an army of one on
 this war? Of course, this is a war you personally won't have to fight.
 Just like when you went AWOL while the poor were shipped to Vietnam in
 your place.
 
    5. Of the 535 members of Congress, only ONE (Sen. Johnson of South
 Dakota) has an enlisted son or daughter in the armed forces! If you
 really want to stand up for America, please send your twin daughters
 over to Kuwait right now and let them don their chemical warfare suits.
 And let's see every member of Congress with a child of military age also
 sacrifice their kids for this war effort. What's that you say? You don't
 THINK so? Well, hey, guess what  we don't think so either!
 
    6. Finally, we love France. Yes, they have pulled some royal
 screw-ups. Yes, some of them can be pretty damn annoying. But have you
 forgotten we wouldn't even have this country known as America if it
 weren't for the French? That it was their help in the Revolutionary War
 that won it for us? That it was France who gave us our Statue of
 Liberty, a Frenchman who built the Chevrolet, and a pair of French
 brothers who invented the movies? And now they are doing what only a
 good friend can do  tell you the truth about yourself, straight, no
 b.s. Quit pissing on the French and thank them for getting it right for
 once. You know, you really should have traveled more (like once) before
 you took over. Your ignorance of the world has not only made you look
 stupid, it has painted you into a corner you can't get out of.
 
    Well, cheer up  there IS good news. If you do go through with this
 war, more than likely it will be over soon because I'm guessing there
 aren't a lot of Iraqis willing to lay down their lives to protect Saddam
 Hussein. After you "win" the war, you will enjoy a huge bump in the
 popularity polls as everyone loves a winner  and who doesn't like to
 see a good ass-whoopin' every now and then (especially when it 's some
 third world ass!). And just like with Afghanistan, we'll forget about
 what happens to a country after we bomb it 'cause that is just too
 complex! So try your best to ride this victory all the way to next
 year's election. Of course, that's still a long ways away, so we'll all
 get to have a good hardy-har-har while we watch the economy sink even
 further down the toilet!
 
 But, hey, who knows  maybe you'll find Osama a few days before the
 election! See, start thinking like THAT! Keep hope alive! Kill Iraqis
 they got our oil!!
 
 Yours,
 
 Michael Moore
 www.michaelmoore.com